The Wicked Ingénue

(Today’s blog is brought to you by a VERY special person and one of the greatest friends a girl could ask for… To learn more about P.Q. check out her blog DC Princess at http://www.dcprincessq.com and enjoy!!)

“Every woman has the exact love life she wants.” – The Wedding Date

Prior to five months ago, I was eternally single. I was involved with men who left me heartbroken day in and day out but I was never bitter to the point of hating other couples that I see in the street.  Quite the opposite, their display of love gave me hope. I love love. I am a hopeless romantic with a cynical streak and whether single or in love, I’ve always loved love.

In the last 5 months, after finding love, I’ve noticed more and more how bitter some of my peers have become.  I’ve heard people bitching about couples holding hands in line at Starbucks. I’ve heard bitter statements about commercials on TV or romantic movies. Of course, any time I have something to input, I’m looked at as the “Happy one with a man who couldn’t understand.”

Excuse me?

I’ve only been in a relationship for 5 months and I’ve been falling asleep alone for all my life.  Being in a relationship doesn’t mean I forget about the lonely nights.  The only difference is that I was never bitter when I was single either.  If I saw happy couples, I smiled.  When watching romantic movies, I was filled with hope knowing that there is someone for me out there…I just wasn’t ready for him.

This past summer, when I thought I was ready to date, I signed up for a dating site.  What I thought was a desire to date was a mask for hitting rock bottom and engaging in reckless behavior that resulted in two unfortunate incidents that I will have to cope with for the rest of my life. It wasn’t my time for love yet because I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship.

*I* wasn’t ready. *I* wasn’t giving out the right vibes. *I* kept going after the wrong guys, knowing the outcome…knowing I’d wake up alone again. *I* was alone because *I* wasn’t ready to stop being alone.

It wasn’t the world. It wasn’t the guys. It wasn’t love.

It was me.

When I was ready to stop being single, I started looking at life differently. I started giving myself standards and I took the leap when it was my time. I don’t believe in luck or fate. I don’t believe in bitterness. I believe in taking control and reacting to life according to the outcome you desire.

So yes…I do believe that women out there who are bitter are in control of their lives…and they have the exact love life they want…and until they are ready to truly find the relationships they desire in life…they will send out that signal to the world.

Oh and Valentine’s Day?

Single or in love, I detest the concept. Love isn’t a one-day affair. Love is second nature. Love is everyday.

-start soapbox-

Interestingly enough, the United States is the only country that celebrates Valentine’s Day with such deliberateness and fanfare. I think it’s a reflection of typical capitalistic Western ideologies, and it reiterates the fact that the almighty (although currently economically-challenged) dollar influences much of our cultural values and beliefs.

I’m sure the individual(s) who suggested making St. Valentine’s Day a national holiday way back when had good intent, but as time went on and industrialization prospered, said “holiday” became a twenty-four hour orgy of materialistic extravagance, which in turn perpetuated (and continues to perpetuate) unnecessary Valentine’s Day expectations. The way I see it, corporations such as Hallmark, See’s Candy, DeBeers, and the Build-A-Bear Workshop franchise are the ones who truly benefit from the outpouring of “love” on V-Day.

This restricted contentedness also raises another iniquitous aspect of V-Day: the exclusion of singles and/or people who are unhappy with their relationships. Singles are reminded (not only by friends and relatives, but also by a countless number of other mediums) of the lack of love in their life while people whose love lives are falling apart are reminded of the pains that often accompany romantic relationships.

If someone isn’t completely content with their singleness (or the fact that they’re probably going to be single soon), Valentine’s Day can be extremely depressing. For some, it feels like a form of failure. Failure because they have yet to find “that special someone” and/or failure because things went to shit with “that special someone”.

For those who are “lucky” enough to be spending V-Day with “that special someone”, it’s certainly not a heart-shaped cakewalk from that angle, either, because the grossly materialistic aspect of V-Day must be addressed. He or she who meets/exceeds his or her lover’s expectations via spending obscene amounts of money reigns supreme. In stark contrast, he or she who fails to meet expectations faces a potential argument, a sexless night on the sofa, or even being “kicked to the curb”.

Is it just me, or is that the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard?

Even more ridiculous than that, though, is the fact that all these headaches are brought on by a date on the calendar. Let’s say that to ourselves again just so we can revel in its ridiculousness: All these headaches are brought on by a date on the calendar. They should just replace the “St. Valentine’s Day” notification on the national calendar with “Massive Migraine Day”. Or “I’m Officially Broke Because I Outdid Myself Day”. Or “My Partner Is Pissed Because I Couldn’t Get A Reservation At Our Favorite Restaurant Day”.

Am I really as cynical about love as I sound? No. I just don’t believe in setting aside one day a year to celebrate it, and I don’t believe that gifts = proof of love.

-end sopbox-

With that, I leave you with a couple of Shakespeare funnies (which are all in good fun, mind you):