The Wicked Ingénue

Check out my guest blog on my friend Jeff Deck’s website in which I discuss Shakespearean puns, the ridiculousness of wearing snow caps and mittens in 70-degree weather, and the degeneration of language in contemporary society.

Click on the picture and allow ol’ WIll to whisk you away:

I heart reality television. My love affair with it began back in ‘96 when I saw an episode of “The Real World: Miami”. It amazed me that those people had the balls to live every second of their life, including their freaking sex lives, on national television. I was too young at the time to realize that these types of programs don’t necessarily reflect reality in every sense of the word, but coming to this realization as an adult hasn’t diminished my fondness for watching everyday people being filmed 24/7. It’s great mindless entertainment, and we all need to be mindlessly entertained from time to time.

I stopped watching “TRW” series several years ago (I grew out of MTV in my early twenties), but my enthusiasm for reality shows remains intact. I’ve since graduated to the Bravo network, and I’m a big fan of several of their programs: “Tabitha’s Salon Takeover”, “Top Chef”, and “Project Runway” (which, sadly, is no more) are among my personal faves. None of them quite compare, however, to my favorite reality show of all time: “The Real Housewives”.

If you aren’t familiar with “TRH”, here’s the gist of it: the lives of five well-to-do women in exclusive areas of the country are chronicled. Thus far, the cities included in the series are Atlanta (my personal fave), New York, New Jersey, Orange County, and Washington D.C. (which debuts sometime this year). Right now, it’s the Orange County gals’ turn, and although I find most of them to be extremely annoying, I’ve been watching the show because I’m from Southern California and it’s neat to see familiar people and places on the show.

One OC gal in particular is in the news (well, gossip columns, I should say) quite frequently, probably because she’s the youngest, most attractive, and most engaging cast member. Her name is Gretchen Rossi, and she joined the show last season. At that time, she was engaged to a wealthy man who was twenty-five years her senior and who was battling cancer. These facts instantly gave her a reputation for being a gold digger who takes advantage of old men. Her fiance ended up passing away, and rumor has it he left her two million bucks in his will.

Naturally, this didn’t sit well with the other women on the show. They saw it as an Anna Nicole Smith-type situation, and naturally, they began to speak badly of Gretchen. Women can be so cruel, jealous, and hateful toward other women. It just breaks my heart.

First of all, I see nothing wrong with May/December romances. I don’t think love and attraction should or can be relegated to age or other specific qualities. That’s why it cracks me up when people make checklists of what they’re looking for in a mate. So silly.

Second of all, who’s to say that Gretchen manipulated her late fiance into falling for her, spending money on her, and including her in his will? I think this assumption is rather insulting to the fiance. And even if they had some sort of “deal” worked out (i.e., you take care of me personally, I’ll take care of you financially), so what? If both people are consenting, I see no issue. But apparently other people think it is an issue (most likely people who’re unhappy with themselves and with their lives).

So this is what the poor girl is dealing with at the end of the last season. Then, a few months before this current season aired, some pictures of Gretchen surfaced on a website called The Dirty. Some of them were typical drunken party girl pictures that most of us have fallen victim to, but some of them were more provocative. Bare breasts, vibrators, sexual situations, bowel movements, etc. Pictures that someone else took, probably someone she knew and trusted, then decided to post for the world to see.

I don’t know about ya’ll, but I think the person who posted these private pictures should be chastised, not the person who’s in the pictures. Yeah, yeah, she allowed the pictures to be taken, but still, I’m sure she had no idea that everyone would see them and that she’d have to explain them to the world on television. She wasn’t hurting anyone with her behavior – she was having fun in a way that she deemed appropriate. I can’t understand why people are so judgmental about the situation.

I’m not emotionally invested in this incident or “TRH” cast members, but this whole thing caused me to contemplate how quick people are to judge others so harshly. Yes, people in the public eye must realize that they’re going to be judged before they put themselves out there – and I’ll experience this myself when my memoir comes out – but that doesn’t make it right, and it certainly doesn’t make it any less irritating. I think there’s a big difference between having an opinion and judging, but I don’t think many people recognize this difference. You can’t let it get you down, though, and it doesn’t seem like Gretchen is. And hey, she’s the one getting the most attention and publicity, so it appears that the joke’s on everyone else.

If you’ve never seen an episode of “The Real Housewives of Orange County”, check it out tonight – it airs at 7PM EST and 10PM PST on Bravo. I’ll certainly be watching. Go, Team Gretchen!

I absolutely adore Shakespeare. Always have. He was a genius in every sense of the word. Reading “The Tempest” back in elementary school was what inspired me to become a writer.

(Yes, I said elementary school. Hell, I read “The Divine Comedy” when I was practically in diapers)

I’m enrolled in three Shakespeare courses this quarter, and in one of them, we had a rather interesting discussion. I’m surprised it hasn’t come up until now, given the recent press generated by an organization whose sole purpose in life is to tear down the literary pedestal Will currently sits upon.

The organization causing a ruckus in the literary community is called the Shakespeare Authorship Coalition (SAC). Some of you might already be familiar with them.

If not, allow me to enlighten you.

There’s been doubt surrounding William Shakespeare’s identity and authorship for hundreds of years. I suppose it’s hard to believe one individual could be so wildly talented, skilled, and productive with (evidently) little to no educational background. There is no record of Shakespeare ever attending university or even grammar school. But then again, diligent recordkeeping wasn’t a huge concern during the Renaissance.

In addition, Shakespeare skeptics claim that if Shakespeare was indeed the author of the works attributed to him, there would be more evidence to support it. Surely there’d be some acknowledgement in his will regarding his substantial manuscript, poetry, personal essay, and book collection. Surely Shakespeare would’ve instructed his wife and/or colleagues to take care of his literary effects and see to their preservation and safekeeping. After all, it’s not like he was some unknown writer who wasn’t recognized until after his death; he (supposedly) emmassed a great deal of wealth and acclaim because of his talents while he was still living.

Shakespeare must’ve hired a shitty law clerk, because there’s no mention of any of these items in his will. In fact, the only significant item documented is his “second best bed with the furniture”, which he left to his wife.

Who do you think he left his best bed to? The young boy he addresses in many of his sonnets, perhaps?

On the other hand, how could Will’ve realized he’d eventually become the most recognized and celebrated writer of all time? Yeah, he was successful in his day, but so were Dante Alighieri, Christopher Marlowe, and Ben Jonson, and they haven’t garnered half the attention Shakespeare has (unless you’re constantly surrounded by literary dorks like I am).

Again, recordkeeping was still a developing art during Shakespeare’s time, and perhaps he and/or his legal advisors didn’t feel the need to provide detailed documentation.

But still – would a mother fucking bed (second best, no less) take precedence over a writer’s work? If I had to choose between a million dollars and my writing collection, I’d happily live in a cardboard box and keep my work. Hell, I almost took a bath with my toaster the other day when I thought I lost the flash drive containing the bulk of my memoir.

As for the question of who “William Shakespeare” really was, SAC suggests the name may have been a front/pseudonym for another writer or group of writers who wanted to remain anonymous. Top contenders include Francis Bacon, Edward de Vere, and Christopher Marlowe (I highly doubt the Marlowe theory, personally. I just don’t think he had it in him). Some believe these writers were more likely to have possessed the skill, expertise, worldliness, and educational background Shakespeare’s works would’ve required.

(Wouldn’t it be a riot if “Shakespeare” turned out to be female? That could account for the desire to remain anonymous…)

However, for all we know Shakespeare could’ve possessed these attributes; they just weren’t well-documented (recall the shitty law clerk theory).

There are other discrepancies regarding Shakespeare’s upbringing, career, and will that have perpetuated the authorship controversy, but I’m not going to list them all here. If you want to read about them in further detail, follow the link at the end of this blog.

I don’t know how I ended up on SAC’s mailing list, but I received a message a couple months back encouraging me to sign a petition “dedicated to legitimizing the Shakespeare authorship issue by increasing awareness of reasonable doubt about the identity of William Shakespeare”. Because I’m such a fucking nerd, I decided to thoroughly educate myself on this topic just for fun.

After pouring over their website and considering the list of “notable skeptics” (including Mark Twain, Walt Whitman, Charles Dickens, Sigmund Freud, and Ralph Waldo Emerson, to name a few), I pondered this hypothetical outcome:

Suppose it was revealed (without a shadow of a doubt) that the author known as William Shakespeare did not write the works attributed to him. Suppose they were written by one or more of his aforementioned contemporaries. Suppose we learned that Shakespeare was nothing more than an unassuming King’s Theatre actor randomly chosen to be the front man for the biggest literary con of all time.

Would these facts change the incomparable impact the author known as Shakespeare’s work has had and will continue to have on the world? Would the inspiration and joy we’ve experienced from reading his work be tainted simply because the writer was born under a different name(s)? Would I have reconsidered my decision to become a writer back in fourth grade if there’d been a different author listed on the dog-eared spine of “The Tempest”?

I highly doubt it.

In fact, I think “Shakespeare” could be the greatest character ever created, whether it was by his own design or someone else’s. After all, he does seem like the kind of guy who’d be highly amused by all this hype.

Whatever the case may be, the fact remains that somewhere out there, someone’s laughing all the way to the literary canon. I don’t know about you, but I look forward to the day when I can finally rub feathers with him, her, or them.

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If you’re interested in reading further, check out the Shakespeare Authorship Coalition’s official website: http://doubtaboutwill.org/.