The Wicked Ingénue

I’ve been wanting to write this blog for a couple weeks but haven’t because 1.) grad school applications have been kicking my butt, and 2.) I wanted to thoroughly contemplate this issue before spitting out a bunch of comments about it.

To make things clear, this blog series isn’t about women and sex as in coital bliss. This is about women and sex in regard to our physical bodies and the positive and negative proclivities that come with it. Part I will be about the number one physical phenomenon that defines Woman: the menstrual cycle. I hope all you men out there won’t stop reading at this point, because I think these types of discussions are quite educative.

Before I commence, I’d like to acknowledge that irritation will be apparent in certain sections of this post. If you’re a woman, you’ll understand that this feeling is unavoidable when it comes to this issue. If you’re a man, please don’t ask if I’m on my period.

I was inspired to write about this after having a recent conversation with a male friend. I can’t tell you what the conversation was about; I can only recall that I disagreed with his stance on a matter we were discussing, and I had no qualms about making this sentiment clear. I was firm in stating my opinion, but I wasn’t rude or combative about it.

Rather than respecting what I had to say, my male friend decided that, because I wasn’t agreeing with him, there must’ve been some extenuating circumstance that was causing me to “act out” in an argumentative fashion. He came to the conclusion that the extenuating circumstance was PMS. “Kristen, are you on the rag or something?”

First of all, I hate the phrase “on the rag”. It just sounds so crude and archaic (news flash: women haven’t used rags to facilitate their menstrual cycle in over a hundred years). I wish men would reserve this phrase for banter with their male buddies. Guys, you’re better off not asking a woman if she’s on her period at all unless you really need to know.

Second, automatically assuming that a woman’s behavior and/or emotional state is being perpetuated by her menstrual cycle is simply ignorant. Behavior and emotional states are determined by various factors that have nothing to do with the monthly visitor. Also, just because a woman feels passionately about something and isn’t afraid to express said passion (re: the disagreement I had with my male friend) doesn’t mean she’s “acting out” or in a “bad mood”.

Third, I think it’s hypocritical that some men are so quick to ask a woman if she’s “on the rag”, yet whenever the subject of the female menstrual cycle is seriously addressed, they don’t want to hear about it or discuss it. I understand that discussing menstrual cycles isn’t the most appealing topic in the world, but if it’s something you don’t care to hear about, then, like I said, don’t bring it up. However, I do think men should educate themselves enough to know how a menstrual cycle works so that they can be sensitive to what women go through.

I should make it clear at this point that I’m not suggesting that women’s emotional states and behavior are never affected by menstrual cycles; I just think that too often, men are quick to attribute our “moodiness” to it. Not enough men take responsibility for the fact that we’re going to disagree with them sometimes. This sounds simple enough, and you might think that the male belief that women should always be cheerful, agreeable, and passive is a thing of the past. I’m sorry to say that I see a lot of men, even those of the younger generation, continuing to advocate this belief.

Of course, there’s always the explanation that if she’s not “on the rag”, then she’s just a bitch by nature. I get this one occasionally.

I don’t necessarily consider myself to be a feminist (the definition of “feminist” is debatable and often negative, and I’ll address it in Part III of this series), and there’s no question that I love and adore men. But I believe women deserve respect for their opinions and beliefs instead of having them be dismissed because we may or may not be battling the crimson wave.

I’m interested to hear others’ thoughts on this, both male and female, so please weigh in if you feel so inclined.